Conspiracy theories, if they keep spiraling out of control, eventually go for The Jews (when Marjorie Taylor Greene says “they” caused Hurricanes Helene and Milton, I assume that’s who she meant). As I wrote last month, something similar happens when men get pissed and frustrated about the world — whatever’s wrong, it’s women’s fault. Not submissive. Not wanting to get married. Not willing to put up with a subpar husband because hey, becoming an old maid isn’t an option and he’s the best you can get.
This led me to revisit Laurie Penny’s excellent “On Nerd Entitlement” essay for an example. Penny’s writing in response to a guy who lamented on line that he’s a nerd with no social skills and a miserable sex life. The guy commented that if he’d been born in his grandparent’s shtetl, things would be different: a matchmaker would have found him a wife, he’d have a half-dozen children by now, a man of status and position — plus he’d be getting it regular (he didn’t say that specifically but I assume that’s part of it).
Penny, who shows far more sympathy for the guy than I feel, points out that yes, this would be a great deal for him, not so much for his wife, who’d have no options in life but to care for him and the kids, assuming she’d survived all those pregnancies (there’s also a lot about how nerds can’t see that nerd girls were in the same boat in many ways).
For another example, LGM looks at one devout Trump constituency: divorced, bitter men (“Politicians like Trump are saying men are getting the raw end of the deal here after the Me Too movement, and giving voice to some of the pain and challenges men are facing,”). Much like the “yoosta bee” liberals who become fervent right-wingers, the men end up embracing all Trump positions.
(It’s almost ironic given Trump is such a pathetic specimen of manhood. By the traditional standards — pay your bills, keep your word, be faithful to your wife — he’s a failure as a man. When caught in a lie, he lies he never said it. He snivels and whines about getting bad press or Harris getting good press, to the point of threatening to take the networks broadcast licenses and sell them if they don’t treat poor little crybaby Donny nicer. Apparently for some men (and women) the fact that he’s loud, bullying, swaggering and refuses to accept responsibility for anything makes him a total badass guy (a misconception I wrote about here). The same may be true of his campaign’s loudmouth spokesperson Steve Cheung.)
In another look at male frustration, Celeste Davis suggests the reason men are giving up on college is that college has “too many” women: once it became more than 50 percent female students it reads as A Girl Thing and lots of guys wouldn’t be caught dead doing A Girl Thing. She makes a good case, though a female friend of mine offered an alternative: women have better emotional control (contrary to stereotype) which makes it easier to buckle down and apply themselves.
Davis cites as evidence (not her only evidence) a guy online who argues that school is essentially feminine and therefore intolerable for boys: it requires you sit down, shut up and listen to your teacher, accepting they know more than you — and that’s how girls do it. The guy’s way is to say “I’m right, you’re wrong, I’m doing it my way!” This is an old undead sexist cliche, and doesn’t make any better sense today (the military is predominantly male and they do not let you do it your way). But it occurred to me it could just as easily be evidence for my friend’s theory: the guy sounds like someone with a complete inability to listen to someone giving him instructions or orders, as if accepting he might not be right would make his dick drop off.
In another post, Davis discusses the challenge of fighting toxic masculinity without demonizing maleness. It’s good. And that the people who talk about not being ashamed of manhood are often the ones who shame any man why doesn’t conform to a specific type of standard. Tough, strong, supporting your stay-at-home wife: nothing to be ashamed of! Staying home with the kids because you’re more nurturing or your job allows you to work from home (or whatever): you’re not doing manhood right! As I’ve said before (though I don’t have the link), nobody hates men as much as antifeminists and patriarchy supporters. The ones who say men are natural rapists, so it’s all up to women to prevent them raping — we’re too subhuman to do it ourselves.
Bite me, misogynists.
For more on this sort of bullshit, check out Undead Sexist Cliches, available for ebook or in paperback.
