Category Archives: Writing

My chakras aligned! The power flows to my hand! We have achieved liftoff!

The work week did not start out well.

Sunday, we went out for a relatively late dinner. It’s been forever since my acid reflux was a problem but eating a large meal late, plus a chocolate dessert, plus a glass of wine made it kick in. It was still kicking in as I went to bed so zero sleep. Monday night was almost as bad — I fell into the “I have to sleep, I have to sleep!” state of mind and as y’all may know, that guarantees someone won’t sleep well.

(From a trip to our auto dealer for an oil change recently. I’ve no idea why geese consider the parking lot such a happening place).

Tuesday night I expected more of the same, particularly given I’d be getting to bed late due to a writer’s group meeting. But nope — it wasn’t quite enough but it was a normal, solid night of sleep. Waking up in the morning felt so good, hence the title of this post. It helped that for the first time in a while, I drew up a tighter schedule for my day’s activities. With the dogs and their increasing health needs, staying on schedule has become increasingly difficult so I started writing down tasks for the day and not worrying about the hour by hour structure. It turns out even if I don’t follow it exactly, hour by hour works better for me. Lesson learned!

That kept me going the rest of the week but my insomnia Monday and Tuesday meant the productive days were undercut by the dazed ones. And it’s not like I caught up on sleep the rest of the week. And the acid reflux lingered, which is unpleasant, plus I had a sore shoulder. Happily, they’ve cleared up — at my age I always worry they’re the first sign of permanent loss of function.

All that said, here’s my week in writing:

I sold four ebook copies of Southern Discomfort on Amazon. I know, it puts money in Bezos’ pocket, but next to hand-selling at cons, it’s still my largest sales channel. Also one copy of Questionable Minds. Thanks, whoever you are who bought them!

I got the PDF of Watching Jekyll and Hyde for me to proof and index. The schedule’s tight but doable.

So is the schedule for using my Draft2Digital and Amazon accounts to get Become the Sky ready for release mid-November. Both together, though? It will be tough. I’m currently making a last pass over the manuscript to spot any last typos and yes, I found some. Once that’s done, hopefully it will be smooth sailing, though I’ve often had to adjust the formatting to make it come out right on D2D. Fingers crossed, not too much difficulty.

Oh, and I still have Local Reporter articles to do for November. Plus I need to take a couple of days off soon for personal stuff. Overall, accomplishing the Big Three is doable, but not easily doable. But hey, if the job was gonna be easy, they wouldn’t have sent me to do it!

The dogs have demanded some attention too. Trixie used to just gulp her pills down in a little ball of soft food; now she needs them ground up, spread on a plate of soft food, with enough stuff added (chicken, pumpkin, treats or similar enhancers) that she’ll eat it … slowly. This expands the morning and evening dosing time. Plus she’s still having to go out more frequently because of her incontinence issues. It’s distracting but she’s my little girl, and I will adjust. It did get a lot easier after my mid-week reboot. Perhaps that will keep up.

To compensate for the stress of the added demands, I made a chocolate cake.

It helped a lot. Though it’s not so good for the reflux.

Over at Atomic Junk Shop I got in posts about the unsuccessful TV series Time Express and the way the Bronze Age revived unsuccessful superheroes along with supervillains.

Wish me luck. If I can get everything done by deadline next month, I am so going to celebrate, though I’m not yet sure how.

Southern Discomfort cover by Sam Collins, Become the Sky by Sonya Lano. All rights to images remain with current holders.

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Filed under Nonfiction, Personal, Southern Discomfort, The Dog Ate My Homework, Time management and goals, Writing

Sherlock Holmes: “Any truth is better than indefinite doubt”

I used this quote from the Holmes story “The Yellow Face” about seven years ago. I’m finding it useful as I outline the next draft of Let No Man Put Asunder. Holmes makes the observation to reassure his client that getting answers about his wife’s strange behavior will be preferable to wondering and not knowing.

As in the earlier post, I think it applies slightly differently to writing: sitting and thinking and debating about how to rewrite the book is “indefinite doubt.” Making a decision and putting it down in the outline is “truth.” It’s a truth that may not hold up; when I review the outline or when I sit down and write the story out, what I outlined may not work. Nevertheless, it’s more productive than worrying whether moving a couple of big reveals up to halfway through the book will work or maybe I should leave it as they are. If I don’t put something down on paper, the next draft will never get written. Neither will the book.

The outline changes a lot of things from Draft #2. Perhaps most significantly, I trim my overcrowded cast. Mostly by having some of the supporting cast only appear for a couple of chapters, then fade away. Maybe it’ll feel odd to have them wander in and wander out and I’ll have to revise back or come up with something new. I can’t revise the manuscript until it exists so this is an improvement. I’ve also eliminated an encounter with my vampire mastermind and made her front person, Yuki do all the adversary work. The way the book is shaping up, Yuki will make a more interesting foe.

Another improvement (I hope) is moving those reveals. Placed early enough in the story, a partial reveal should make readers curious about what they’ve learned — what does it mean, how does it affect Paul and Mandy? That’ll accomplish more than holding them in reserve until the end. And ultimately, as with Southern Discomfort, my lead characters and the change in their lives will hopefully matter more and be more compelling.

If not, more revisions ahead. I can live with that. But if I’ve made serious progress on the problems in D2, maybe there will be fewer of them.

“Yellow Face” image by Sidney Paget, Southern Discomfort cover by Sam Collins, rights to it are mine.

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Like the past couple of weeks, this one was good and bad at once

The good stuff was, I “completed” the outline for draft three of Let No Man Put Asunder. The air quotes are because I’ll definitely want to reread it and revise it before I start writing the next draft — do my initial decisions about what should happen where still feel right? Are there stretches where I’ve skipped over details or it sounds like the plot logic will fall apart? I’ve never had much success outlining but this one does feel like I can build a draft on it, and faster than usual. That would be nice.

(This medieval church arch was something I forgot to include in Tuesday’s Nasher Museum photos).

I may also want to go into more detail in some of my scenes or … well, we’ll see when I get to writing it. You’ll get some detailed discussion of the outline in one of next week’s posts. But regardless, getting a reasonably workable outline is a big step towards draft3 and I’m pleased to have it done, and only in a couple of days too. Though I’ve seen my outlines fall apart often enough that I’m not as enthused about D3 as I want to be. I’m confident that will change.

The bad? Once again, I got nibbled to death by ducks, so that was the week’s only writing accomplishment.

Monday was particularly duck-infested. Our neighbor was traveling until this evening, and discovered at the last minute her house/dog sitter would have to be out much of the day. I agreed to walk Kaya, her terrier/chihuahua mix. She’s a sweet girl and a walk 3:30 every day wasn’t too much trouble. Monday, though, the housesitter got delayed so I took out Kaya for morning walk. Then a couple of hours later I took Plush Dog in to the vet as he’s limping on his back left leg a little. The verdict: nothing serious, up his pain meds so he’s both comfortable and rests more this week.

Then home and about 45 minutes dealing with some IRS paperwork. Nothing catastrophic or urgent but I couldn’t get the answers off the website and due to those staff cuts under the Toddler couldn’t get answers on the phone. Frustrating, and another distraction from doing my own work (I did get through the following morning and I think we worked everything out). Then a distraction of my own making, cooking a curry for lunch. Then Kaya’s regular walk which proved longer than anticipated. All of that added up.

Plus the Discord for Become the Sky blew up with a shit-ton of messages as we move closer to finishing the manuscript. For me, wading through a lot of messages on Discord is like sensory overload. Trying to figure out what we were discussing and how much of it was new was distracting.

The rest of the week wasn’t as bad. However we do have to take Trixie out extra times to deal with her ongoing incontinence issues. Plus she’s getting up so early in the morning, I don’t have the 90 minutes or so I used to when it was just me and the cats. That was a restful way to start the morning; having Trixie with me as well makes it harder to get my head in the game.

Oh, well. Like they say, adapt or die, there is no other way. Wish me luck adapting.

For a final visual detail, here’s another exhibit from the Nasher. Not subtle, but I’m okay with that.

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Filed under Personal, The Dog Ate My Homework, Time management and goals, Writing

The arc of the book tends towards flatness …

Part of looking at the plot of Let No Man Put Asunder last week was studying the key turning points: the opening, the beginning of the trouble shortly afterwards, the intensifying danger, the point where things turn around and they push back.

I’m not sure I have any of that. Which is not good.

In Southern Discomfort, Maria’s plight ratchets up as the book progresses. At first she’s stuck humoring the grief-stricken Olwen McAlister until she can split town. Then Aubric McAlister’s killer threatens her with death unless she leaves sooner than that. Then she finds she can’t leave. Then the FBI — well, suffice to say, things get even worse after that.

The same is true for the other characters. Joan Slattery finds herself undergoing changes she can’t explain, then the killer kidnaps her late in the book. The FBI agents discover they’re not working any sort of normal case. The town of Pharisee has to deal with plagues and supernatural forces. It builds and builds … damn, just writing that makes me feel pleased with my work.

The previous version of Asunder had less of a build — maybe that’s one reason it never sold — but it does have some. As Neil and Adrienne travel across the multiverse, they’re repeatedly attacked, narrowly escape, with the attacks increasing in power every time. They survive because they have allies but their allies are only enough help to keep things going, not to save the day. Finally, at the climax, they confront the nameless Big Bad and have it out with them.

The second draft does not have that. Things get weirder and freakier as the story progresses but the threat remains largely constant until about four fifths of the way through, when things ramp up. Obviously I need to be putting the screws to Paul and Mandy much more effectively.

Part of the problem is that it’s set in our world in 1976 rather than the multiverse, which limits the range of what threats I can throw at them. Part of it, as I mentioned before, is the big cast. And that my protagonists spend a lot of time talking with the supporting cast and a lot of it recycles what’s already been said: Mandy and Paul want to go it alone because this is too dangerous for anyone else. It ain’t working.

As they say, diagnosing the problem is the first step to curing it. Figuring this out is a good step.

Cover by Sam Collins, all rights are mine.

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How not to write about politics (and some related matters)

CNN: “The Senate on Monday passed a major bill to overhaul college athletics with a large bipartisan vote, 77-22.”

That is an impressively bad opening because I have no idea why this is important news. “Major bill” means nothing. “Overhaul college athletics” could mean anything. We get two more paragraphs before we learn the bill will “set national standards for how college athletes can profit on their name, image and likeness.”

We then get a whole boatload of He Says/She Says. Ted Cruz says it offers “simple, commonsense rules.” The NCAA supports it. The AFL-CIO and the NAACP oppose it. It quotes the Toddler saying “It will not only save college sports, it will save the colleges themselves” which adds nothing (is anyone surprised).

I get down 11 paragraphs before I learn anything of substance about the bill, including that it allows the NCAA to regulate player compensation. Given the controversy over this topic, I’d have liked more specifics. Near the end it quotes Cruz saying the bill will protect players’ ability to profit from their name and likeness, which is important. The NCAA has routinely shut down side hustles on the ground the player is (for example) selling art based on their fame as a player, which violates the sacred amateur standards of the multi-million dollar college sports industry. Another sponsor says it will stop colleges from splurging on sports to stay competitive so they can divert money into research or AI (siiiigh) — how does the bill do that? I will note that none of this is new: Rocky and Bullwinkle took shots at college spending on sports back in the 1960s and the 1935 movie Fighting Youth pointed out the contradictions of a big, profitable business that insists the player should do it for free (though this criticism is placed in the mouths of commie subversives).

I took a look at the bill and it’s not so long I wouldn’t have been able to read it if I’d been assigned to cover the story. Obviously a reporter can’t interpret what it means or what the actual effect will be. Even so, some specific quotes from the bill would have grounded it in something other than He Says She Says. For instance, the bill says colleges cannot penalize a player or restrict their eligibility because they made money off their likeness or their name somehow. Cruz saying what his bill does might be spin; seeing the actual words is something else.

There’s also a lot of specific details about financing, which is presumably how colleges will save money. Though I’m curious, given that coaches routinely pull down megabucks (not something that used to be the case), whether it will really divert money away from sports or just from athletes. Which might be more detail that CNN had time to get into.

Still, at least CNN is making a sincere attempt to cover the topic. By contrast, here’s a WaPo headline:

Portraying the Toddler as someone who’s really trying to help us poor, struggling consumers? With ideas like bringing in mystery meat from overseas (supplied by someone Melania Trump knows)? And when it’s his tariffs and his stupid Iran war that are shaping the economic landscape? And as the comment at the bottom says, the headline dances around the Toddler’s complete ineffectiveness — he hasn’t failed, things “have failed so far to pan out.” It’s quite possible the article is better, but given Bezos’ hamfisted handling of the Washington Post, I wouldn’t bet on it.

Bari Weiss, meanwhile, continues to face-palm as head of CBS News. A common argument on the left is that this is new owner David Ellison’s diabolical plan to destroy the media, but as Scott Lemieux says at the link, “there is no evidence for this and plenty of evidence against it. Everything about Weiss’s career suggests that she wants to be an influential propagandist, not somebody who produces a show with declining ratings that nobody likes and is forced to resign in disgrace. She has run a successful group blog pandering to an audience who thinks that Pete Hegseth is the second coming of Clausewitz, and genuinely doesn’t seem to understand that this relatively small sector of Silicon Valley executives and anti-anti-Trump fanatics is not remotely enough to sustain a broadcast news audience. The Ellisons almost certainly have the same delusion, and indeed I would bet a high-end Tiffany bracelet that they sincerely think that Weiss is a mildly contrarian liberal. And the biggest problem of all is that none of them have any respect for the actual craft that goes into TV news, including partisan operations. Making propaganda people want to watch is an art in its own way. Rupert Murdoch understands this and hires people who can execute it.”

I think this has something in common with this comment about decadence.

Which is echoed here.

That includes not appreciating how much skill it takes to do something well. Sure, science can be wrong, medicine can be wrong, regulators make mistakes. This does not mean the opinions of the man in the street are just as good. Or that listening to your Facebook group about the benefits of raw milk for toddlers is a good idea. And contrary to the ever-wrong RFK Jr., AI is not better informed than a good doctor, nor is it essential they consult it.

Case in point, this argument for why school is inherently feminine (posted by Celeste Davis at Matriarchal Blessing)

This is in the first place (and second and third) factually wrong. If men couldn’t obey the military would be a women’s organization. Corporate America would be run by women. Schools for centuries were men only; teachers set the rules and required boys to obey them. And refusing to listen to someone who knows more than you is not “masculine,” it’s stupid. Refusing to learn is in no way admirable.

Despite my reservations about Susan Jacoby’s The Age of American Unreason, she has a point that losing respect for intellectual and practical skill is not a good thing.

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Filed under Nonfiction, Politics, Undead sexist cliches, Writing

A bumpy flight but it feels like I landed the plane

The end of September was not as productive as I’d hoped.

Monday through Wednesday I was busy working on my two Local Reporter articles, one on September’s big town council meeting, one a listicle of Carrboro nonprofits. It shouldn’t have taken three days but I was still tired from last week. Plus Trixie’s incontinence continued into this week, off and on. Plus I took her to a vet appointment Tuesday, then my flu and covid shots Wednesday became the excuse for a larger series of errands: library, cat food, dog drugs. Plus some paperwork that needed doing only the relevant website refused to cooperate. I have no idea if it’s malfunctioning or badly designed.

It doesn’t help that Trixie’s decided she wants to get up earlier. If she gets up just as I’m starting my day, it throws me way off. I lose the one to two dog-free hours I normally enjoy in the morning and coping with her as well as the cats makes it surprisingly hard to focus. But I’ll never say no to her.

Could you? And it’s not like it’s her fault or anything, even when snuggled next to me, she peed on my pants in her sleep.

Thursday, though, I got back in the swing of things. A lot of little tasks related to Become the Sky. Some groundwork for my next Local Reporter articles. And I began replotting Let No Man Put Asunder by thinking about the character arcs. While there’s a lot I like about the second draft, Paul and Mandy need much more emotional stress. And the whole novel needs a stronger arc: the threat level really doesn’t grow enough. It’s run-from-the-bad-guys, find temporary safety, run some more … it doesn’t ratchet up until maybe the last fifth of the book. But that’s fixable.

That’s not a lot to get done but just the fact I was really focused felt good. Especially with Trixie’s problems distracting me.

Oh, my friend and fellow Durham Writers Group member Lucy Adams has a chestnut tree and it recently shed a bunch of nuts. She gave me some and I tried roasting a few; when that proved successful I roasted more of them.

If I put a small X in the shell, the steam from roasting open up the shell, making it easy to peel. I made them into mushrooom-chestnut soup last weekend, and very tasty it was.

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Filed under Nonfiction, Story Problems, The Dog Ate My Homework, Time management and goals, Writing

This time I didn’t duck the axe-man

If you imagine distracting events as the axe-men Luke Cage is busting on this cover —

— then unlike last week, the third axe-man did me in. Almost nothing got done this week.

I knew it wouldn’t be a stellar week because TYG had an out-of-town trip which left me with all the dog care (not a criticism of her — she does the same when I go out of town). Still it wouldn’t have been too bad, except early Sunday morning Trixie’s UTI returned. Peeing on the bed does tend to rob one of sleep. Monday I had to take her in; the vet confirmed it’s a different bacterial soup inside her from last time. This could mean some bacteria got antibiotic resistance or that her equipment is looser and weaker., leading to incontinence. Either way it’s treatable.

Happily the UTI doesn’t seem to affect anything else. She’s lively, up for walks, eats, snuggles. No small thing.

In the short term, however, I got minimal sleep Saturday and Sunday night (she got up early Monday morning too). Then Monday night I was too stressed with worry to sleep well and felt half-dead Tuesday. Need I say I didn’t get much done? Wednesday was better but not much better. TYG returned and I got more sleep Wednesday night. However Thursday I was still tired and we had a recheck for Trixie to go to.

Result? Almost nothing done. Some work on Savage Adventures and a final review of my two stories for Become the Sky. We’re shooting to get it done next month so that has to be a priority.

However, as I’ve blogged about several times over the years, some bad weeks are inevitable. Sooner or later you hit a week where everything goes wrong. This ain’t the first. Won’t be the last. The solution is to do better next week. This will be a little challenging — three different medical appointments for various things — but I shall do my best to rise to the challenge.

To end on a plus note, I sold several copies of various books so as always, thank you buyers! Hope you enjoyed them.

Cover by Billy Graham. All rights to image remain with current holders.

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Filed under Doc Savage, Personal, The Dog Ate My Homework, Time management and goals, Writing

Let No Man Put Asunder: the character arcs

As I’ve mentioned before, Let No Man Put Asunder is a rewrite of my second novel. I rewrote it in the 1990s and improved it with no better result getting publisher or agent attention. I tried a third rewrite which never got a finished draft, and now this version, which is much stronger. Maybe not stronger yet than version two — that one was really good — but I think it will be by the time I finish.

Last week I discussed one of the changes from the previous versions: a much larger cast. Going over the manuscript this week and thinking about Paul and Mandy’s character arcs, I saw another problem. To wit, that I’ve given them similar character arcs to their earlier incarnations, Neil and Adrienne, and they’re not the same people.

Neil and Adrienne were in a good place when their adventures began. Adrienne, an archeology/history buff, daydreams of uncovering lost cities; Neil fantasizes about being a hardboiled PI. That’s as far as their discomfort goes. I wanted to make them ordinary people, happy in their lives, when they’re dragged into a crazy world of adventure against their will.

Paul and Mandy aren’t in a good place. Paul’s dispute with his parents over his academic future has ended with them cutting off support; he’s now busing tables at a greasy spoon to support himself. Mandy, after years caring for her invalid father and raising her five siblings (Mom decided Dad’s terminal illness was too much to deal with so she split). Now her dad is dead, her brothers and sisters are out of the house, she’s ready to start living her own life … and yet she has no idea what to do next (there are reasons).

I have a rough idea of their emotional state when the book starts but going over it made me see I need a much stronger grasp. Paul in particular. Mandy could keep going the way she is for a while; Paul’s feeling a lot more stress. Does he want to resume his academic life? Make a clean break? Reconcile with his parents? Build a life without them?

As I’ve blogged about several times, Orson Scott Card breaks down four types of stories. They can center on the milieu, a question, the character arc or the plot. Maria in Southern Discomfort starts in crisis and ends with the crisis resolved. Her experiences in Pharisee Ga. stem partly out of her own decisions. Paul and Mandy, on the other hand, didn’t do anything. Other hands pulled strings and brought on the crisis in which they find themselves, hunted by mercenaries through the streets of Bluestone, Pa. It’s more plot-driven than character driven

Nevertheless, the first chapter is heavily focused on their personal problems and their discomfort with their lives. The ending chapter, at least in the second draft deals with them wrapping up their personal conflicts or at any rate making a start on fixing them. Their character arc is just as important as the plot arc. I have to know where they are at the start and how the adventure changes them. Unlike Neil, Paul doesn’t fantasize about being Sam Spade or Mike Hammer and he’s not getting a thrill off being plunged into danger. And the revelations about how he got involved in this will be way more unsettling than what Neil discovered.

Neil’s arc also involved him meeting his dream woman — not necessarily eternal love, but way more than the casual affairs he’s experienced. As I wrote in the previous post, Cordelia/Paul doesn’t seem to work the same way, so maybe not. For Mandy, I have a clearer idea of her ending arc and ideally sex is part of it — but again, the guy she sleeps with doesn’t seem to fit the book at all. Different lover? Change the arc? I’m not sure.

While there’s clearly a lot of work ahead, all of this is fixable. Hopefully without taking as long as I usually do.

Cover image by Sam Collins, all rights are mine.

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So far I’m one step ahead of the axe-men

You know, these axemen. I’ve posted this Billy Graham cover before because it sums up the way life keeps bushwhacking us just when we think we’re out from under. There were more axemen this week than expected but like the first week of September, the work got done.

A lot of the distractions were paperwork, like submitting for our dogs various recent vet visits, ordering fresh dog drugs, etc. There was also tiredness due to Trixie’s drug regimen keeping up up late to get the last ones in. Her UTI and her GI issues have resolved themselves, though, and the drugs are done. However she developed a slightly shaky left rear leg so we have an appointment this Saturday. It’s nothing serious but it’s definitely not normal — I don’t want to wait for serious discomfort like we did with the GI bleed.

Despite the leg, she’s 100 percent better from last weekend. Hungry, bouncy, eager to play, willing to walk and just more her usual self. Dudley too is in good shape. We had his rehab recheck Monday and the vet gushed over the great shape he’s in for nearly 16. Yay Dudders, yay vet, yay us for taking good care.

Overall life was nowhere near as intense as last week. However it was intense enough I didn’t really get to draw breath, either.

So, walk. As one of my October articles for The Local Reporter is a listicle of Carrboro nonprofits I spent Monday researching them. There’s quite a lot for a small town so it’s a good thing I started. I imagine I’ll break them down into different groupings (kid-related, sports, arts, charity, etc.) when I write it next week.

I’ve proofed The Savage Adventures through 1937 which is about 45 percent of the book done. Having reread the second draft of Let No Man Put Asunder last week, I began planning Draft Three. That meant reading a lot of articles about rewriting, developing character arcs, etc., then starting work on Paul and Mandy’s character arcs (details next week). That was very productive; hopefully the work will translate into a smooth, faster-than-usual draft.

My two stories for the Become the Sky anthology have gotten two rounds of editing so I made changes Thursday. This took longer than expected so I didn’t write anything further. However the critiques were really good and the stories are stronger for it. So yay. If all goes well we’ll have this out before year’s end so you can decide for yourself.

Oh, and my sensitive teeth appear to be getting back to normal so maybe a crown won’t be necessary. Hurray! Second hurray, I sold another copy of Southern Discomfort. Whoever you were, thank you — I hope you enjoy it.

After I wrote the first draft of this post, I realized something else about this week: I’m waaaaay more focused than I have been in a while. I’m having no trouble concentrating on my work and only wandering off to check BlueSky (or whatever) occasionally. That hasn’t been the case in … a while? I’m not sure what changed but hopefully I can keep it up next week (much chaotic stuff to deal with, details next Friday). Because it feels good.

All rights to images remain with current holders.

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Filed under Doc Savage, Nonfiction, Personal, Southern Discomfort, Story Problems, Time management and goals, Writing

Third draft challenge: what to do with my cast

Writing Southern Discomfort took more than a decade.

Not that I spent the whole time struggling to create my novel. During that period I had various income-generating writing gigs, I wrote three movie books, I had other fiction projects. Still, I’d prefer to finish Let No Man Put Asunder much more quickly. I am, after all, getting older and with less time left, I feel the need to use it effectively.

Routinely at some point in the creative process I take my most recent draft and shift from repeated pantsing to plotting. With novels, this hasn’t ever worked well. This time, I’m determined it will. I’ve read over the second draft, taken lengthy notes, taken more based on how-to writing books and articles … now the replotting begins.

What have I learned from the reread? For one thing, my book’s gotten way too crowded.

In the previous version (this is a rewrite of an earlier novel) the supporting cast for Neil and Adrienne (now Paul and Mandy) included the telekinetic tween Plutarch; his robot sidekick Talos; chief antagonists Celathion and Grainge; Cordelia Winters, Neil’s swashbuckling love interest; Renador, high-tech thief; and Peacock and Mountebank who show up in the last quarter along with a couple more bit players. Plus Mircalla Karnstein, the vampire from J. Sheridan LeFanu’s “Carmilla,” who appears off-and-on.

In this version, the big change was setting everything in Mandy’s hometown, Bluestone, rather than having Mandy and Paul cast out into the multiverse. I think it’s the right move but an unanticipated side effect is that it’s expanded the cast. Mandy’s siblings. Hillier and Oriel, two Bluestone police detectives investigating the goings on. Plus Renador (now Raga) and Cordelia. Plus Peacock and Mountebank appearing a lot more. Plus Flavia (the former Plutarch) and Talos. And because I made Flavia black, she needs to have more of her own arc than Plutarch did, so she doesn’t end up a helpful Magical Negro.

The book is overstuffed. I think the villains can be worked out without too much trouble but the heroes? Cordelia feels awkward; the romance arc doesn’t work. I’m not sure if she’s become the wrong character as Paul develops, or there’s simply not space to develop it. Raga feels completely tacked on, like he no longer fits the narrative. A shame as I wound up with him and Mandy sleeping together, which fits her character arc (I’ll get into that later). My scene with Countess Karnstein feels awkward too. In the previous draft they stumbled smoothly into her lair, and the fight is intense; here it’s lacking. As I have one of her vampire lackeys taking point to hunt Paul and Mandy, I’m wondering if I shouldn’t leave Karnstein in the background or drop her completely.

Quite simply, there’s not enough space for everyone to develop. It’s not just about them having character arcs — various characters drop out of the plot when it feels like they should stick around. I fixed some of that in this last draft, but not enough. One option is to write bigger and give them all a role. Another, probably the more practical choice, is to trim the cast and develop the rest more.

Which to cut? Raga and the countess most obviously, but beyond that? Well, there’s Mandy’s family: four out of her five siblings show up but it might be better if one of them was out of town.

More on other aspects of the third draft soon.

Cover by Sam Collins, all rights are mine.

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Filed under Southern Discomfort, Story Problems, Writing