Still in a state of Bleah! (#SFWApro)

The crappiness continues. I think I shall give my doctor a call tomorrow, just to make sure it isn’t Worse Than I Think.
I did get quite a bit of work done today, though of course less than expected. Sent off three stories (making up for the four I got back—the fourth one I may want to rework a little). Worked on some ehows. Worked on the Boys’ Life article. Which leads me into the point of this post, an excerpt from C.S. Lewis’ Screwtape Letters.
In the section, the demon Screwtape advises his protege to keep the young man he’s targeting just uneasy enough about his spiritual state that he will try to avoid thinking about it (and thereby about God). At the beginning, demons have to provide pleasurable distractions to divert humans from holy thoughts, but over time “you find that anything or nothing is sufficient to attract his wandering attention … You can make him waste his time not only in conversation he enjoys with people whom he likes, but in conversations with those he cares nothing about on subjects that bore him. You can make him do nothing at all for long periods. You can keep him up late at night, not roistering, but staring at a dead fire in a cold room … Nothing is very strong: strong enough to steal away a man’s best years not in sweet sins but in a dreary flickering of the mind over it knows not what and knows not why, in the gratification of curiosities so feeble that the man is only half aware of them, in drumming of fingers and kicking of heels, in whistling tunes that he does not like, or in the long, dim labyrinth of reveries that have not even lust or ambition to give them a relish.”
This is exactly the sort of thing that drives me nuts when I become too tired or draggy to work efficiently. I don’t goof off like I want to—watch a movie, watch TV, play solitaire, read, walk—I just fritter the time away. Go over to some blog a couple more times to find something new. Daydream but not about anything really neat. Let my mind wander into strange and pointless channels. I don’t get work done but I also don’t get the fun of a real break.
I certainly don’t see the root cause as Hell (and obviously I’m not flinching away from my work), but it has the same effect: a kind of numbing dreariness that settles over things. It’s one reason I’m glad I worked today—and if my health worsens and I can’t work again, it’s why I intend to actually goof off. Work or not-work are reasonably in rewarding, but the stuff in between, indulged more than a little, just makes me feel worse.


Filed under Personal, Writing

8 responses to “Still in a state of Bleah! (#SFWApro)

  1. Pingback: Less Bleah | Fraser Sherman's Blog

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