Category Archives: TV

Aesthetes, super-freaks, a dead guy and the 4400: this week’s viewing

Last year the Delta variant shut down the Durham Savoyards’ plans to stage Gilbert and Sullivan’s PATIENCE live so the went online (if you want to start with the overture, it’s here). They did a really amazing job adapting the story of Bunthorne — an “aesthetic sham” who spouts poetry to impress his female admirers — Patience, the unsullied milkmaid who has never known love and Algernon, the paragon of poetic perfection who steals her heart and that of the other women.

While the 19th century aesthetic movement (at one point Gilbert considered making it about rival curates instead, but decided mocking the church without offending the audience would be too tricky) is hardly a burning issue for most of us, pretentious artists and their groupies are still a ripe topic for satire. The script also mocks the Victorian meloramatic assumptions about love being unselfish and the twisting logic that leads to.

The Savoyards did a great job adapting Patience to an online environment, having much of the discussion take place in Discord chat rooms or Zoom conferences, with memes flowing in the chat channel (“They say I sleep too much — but I’m just dreaming of you!”). The end results were delightful and I recommend catching them if you’re into Gilbert and Sullivan. “I was the beau ideal of the modern aesthetical/To doubt my inspiration was regarded as heretical/Until you cut me out with your placidity emetical!”

THE DOOM PATROL opened its third season by wrappig up the Covid-shortened S2, with Caulder and his grumpy team putting an end to the Candlemaker. Things get livelier as we move into the real third season: a mysterious time traveler appears, the Doom Patrol dies, Rita travels back in time, the Sisterhood of Dada appears and so do some of the team’s Silver Age foes. It’s a weird, quirky mess in the best way, much more enjoyable than S2 was. “Jane dresses like a deranged sock puppet.”

THE TROUBLE WITH HARRY (1955) was one of my least favorite Hitchcock films when I first caught it and rewatching does not improve it. Harry is a dead guy found in the woods outside a small New England town — did Ed Gwenn accidentally pot him while hunting? Was it Mildred Natwick or Harry’s ex, Shirley Maclaine? Can artist John Forsythe get them all out of it? The running gag is that none of the cast really care about Harry except as an inconvenient problem, about as annoying as a speeding ticket; that might have worked for an Alfred Hitchcock Presents half-hour episode but it stretches to the breaking point here.

The Hitchcock Romance does make an interesting case that this the flip side of the small communities seen in Shadow of a Doubt and Rear Window, the difference being there’s no murderer here: the core cast are all innocents, none of them mistrusts or suspects the others of lying about their ties to the dead guy. I think that’s spot on, but I still don’t care for the film at all. That wouldn’t interest you, doctor — it’s purely personal and not medical.”

When the CW announced it was reviving THE 4400 I was puzzled why — sure, I liked the show, but it wrapped up in 2007; is 15 years long enough in the past a revival is necessary? Much to my surprise, though, it worked. The emphasis here is that the alien abductees mysteriously returned to Detroit are predominantly black, including a trans doctor from the Harlem Renaissance, a woman civil rights activist from the early 1960s and a black lawyer who vanished just 15 years ago — which is still time enough to have transformed the people she loves. And of course the ruthless government agents and bullying cops now feel like the evening news, rather than just something knocking off The X-Files. I do hope this makes it back for S2. “The answers you think you want will only lead to your death nd the death of hose you love.”

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A whole lot of mysteries

ONLY MURDERS IN THE BUILDING was a 2021 comedy-mystery series from Hulu. Steve Martin, Martin Short and Selena Gomez star as three residents of the Arconia apartment building. When one of Mabel’s friends is murdered, the trio strike up a friendship; discovering they’re all fans of true-crime podcasts, they launch their own. Which, of course, requires investigating the mystery: could fellow resident Sting be the killer? What is Mabel (Gomez) hiding from the guys? Who poisoned a neighbor’s obnoxious cat? Solidly cast (Nathan Lane and yes, Sting) this was a great deal of fun. I genuinely did not see how it would play out (I spotted a couple of twists along the way) which is a plus. While I normally find climactic reveals that the killer is insane disappointing, the show even got that to work.  “I understand now why all those doctors were so mean to Doogie Howser.”

NANCY DREW only had 13 episodes this season (S3 — reviews of S1 and S2 at the links) which I hope isn’t a bad sign. That said, it was a solid season as Nancy and the Drew Crew become entangled with Nancy’s ancestor Temperance (Olivia Taylor Dudley), having broken the spell laid by the Women in White that kept Temperance away from Horseshoe Bay. All she wants, though, is help reuniting with the spirit of her deceased daughter — surely that’s not so bad, is it? There were also some great humorous bits such as crashing a mystery convention and learning George Fan (Leah Lewis) has “Fan Fans” who see her as a daring ghostbuster ably supported by her sidekick Nancy. This has enough cliffhangery stuff in the final episode I really want it back — but hey, I’m a fan so I’d have wanted it back anyway (the CW has yet to confirm or deny S4). “So they’re evil relic-hunters who also sell their homemade crafts online?”

After watching that Sherlock Holmes collection I got for Christmas, I decided to rewatch the other Arthur Wontner Sherlock Holmes films in my library. Unfortunately one of the DVDs fell out of another boxed set so all I have on hand is Wontner’s THE SIGN OF FOUR (1932). As I remembered, a much stronger film than Wontner’s first, The Sleeping Cardinal (review at the link), adapting the second Holmes story well. “If you absolutely insist on weeping, may I offer my shoulder?”

Shifting away from mystery — THE EMPIRE OF CORPSES (2015) is a steampunk anime set in an alt.history where Victor Frankenstein’s research has led to reanimated corpses functioning as everything from the servant class to cannon fodder (“It’s said only The One that Frankenstein created had a soul.”). M of British intelligence recruits medical student Jon Watson to race the Russian scientist Karamazov to obtaining Victor’s Lost Notebooks and attaining true power of life over death. This mash-up of Doyle and Mary Shelly sounded intriguing but the film’s a generic adventure for two-thirds of the running time. “The sublime won’t be missed in a world unable to contemplate it.”

With the core Fast and Furious series winding down, the franchise branched out with FAST AND FURIOUS PRESENTS: HOBBS AND SHAW (2019). Squabbling tough guys Hobbs (Duane Johnson) and Shaw (Jason Stathairn) go up against cyborg Idris Elba (“We’re being chased by the Terminator?”) to save Shaw’s sister, who’s fleeing Elba with a capsule containing a doomsday virus (like No Time to Die, it can be tailored to wipe out people with specific DNA strains). This is way more tedious than any of the main series, with Hobbs and Shaw playing endless rounds of Whose Is Bigger and long stretches of mindless action. Hobbs and his daughter were much more engaging in conversation. “What I’m upset about is that Jon Snow had sex with his aunt, then killed her and nobody seems to care.”

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A Christmas of Holmes!

My Christmas gift from my friend Ross this year was The Sherlock Holmes Archive Collection, three DVDs of obscure Holmesian material. I’ve been watching the mix of films, short films and TV episodes gradually through the month, waiting until it was all done to make a total review. So here we go, starting with the films.

THE COPPER BEECHES (1912)is an uninspired adaptation with George Treville getting very little chance to show what he can do as Holmes. By focusing on the backstory in this mystery — a villain’s scheme to get his daughter’s inheritance — and leaving Holmes out until midway through, it becomes less a Holmes story than a dull melodrama.

Norwegian Eille Norwood was one of the first actors to be hailed as a Definitive Holmes. THE MAN WITH THE TWISTED LIP (1921) is the first time I’ve seen one of his films, a fairly faithful silent adaptation. Norwood has more screen presence than Treville, but he doesn’t hold up to Jeremy Brett or Basil Rathbone.

Or for that matter, Arthur Wontner, who launched a series of Holmesian adventures with SHERLOCK HOLMES FATAL HOUR (1931), known when it was made in England as The Sleeping Cardinal. A mix of The Final Problem with The Adventure of the Empty House, it has Holmes’ investigation into the criminal mastermind named Moriarty (“He has a thousand disguises — many men know Moriarty without being aware of it.”) overlaps with Holmes and Watson’s efforts to cure a compulsive gambler of his habit. I can’t help thinking this was influenced by Dr. Mabuse — The Gambler, which likewise involved gambling, cheating, a villain with a hundred faces and communication with his henchman while unseen.

The film, alas is very talky, with some of the scenes running way too long. As I recall, the later Wontner films were better. “Never give way to sudden impulses — they’re more dangerous to you than I am.”

Next, the shorts.  THE LIMEJUICE MYSTERY or WHO SPAT IN GRANDFATHER’S PORRIDGE (1930) is a fairly plotless (and dialog-less) puppet-show short in which Herlock Sholmes investigates a Limehouse riot (the opium den really was ubiquitous in Chinese stereotypes back then) and encounters the puppet Anna Went Wrong (a joke on Anna Mae Wong, a Chinese actor of the day). Barely worth mentioning.

THE STRANGE CASE OF HENNESSY (1933) is a ringer as the detective is “Silo Dance,” a takeoff on W.S. Van Dyne’s Philo Vance, so there’s no Holmes connection. The brief musical comedy about Vance searching for a vanished wealthy man was amusing enough, though. “Make a note of it.”

LOST IN LIMEHOUSE or LADY ESMERELDA’S PREDICAMENT (1933) is a melodrama parody in which lecherous Sir Marmaduke Rakes kidnaps Lady Esmeralda as Step One to forcing her into marriage. Can Sheetluck Jones and a poor but honest suitor save the day? Watching this made me realize I’m familiar with this kind of melodrama almost entirely through parodies like this; pretty funny but the Chinese stereotypes (more opium dens!) and names such as Hoo Flung have not aged well. This was one of several shorts made by the Masquers, a Hollywood actors’ club. “I trow he is an honest youth, for he has an open face that bespeaks a noble soul.”

THE SCREAMING BISHOP (1944) is one I’ve seen before, on PBS’ Matinee At the Bijou series, a cartoon in which HHairlock Holmes and Gotsome investigate the theft of a dinosaur skeleton and discover the zany thief is using the bones to make the world’s largest xylophone. Loony but entertaining. “The best bones of all go to symphony hall!”

And then the TV (not in chronological order). The one I wanted this set for was THE ELGIN HOUR: The Sting of Death an episode adapted from HF Heard’s first novel about retiree-turned-beekeeper “Mr. Mycroft.” Here, Mycroft (Boris Karloff) discovers beekeeper Martyn Greene has bred a deadly strain of killer bees and is feeling the itch to test them on human beings; can he be stopped? Karloff’s not one of the great Holmes but he’s satisfactory. I blogged about this in more detail over at Atomic Junkshop. “I am a man whose loquaciousness makes him a constant martyr to a sore throat.”

THE MAN WHO DISAPPEARED was a British one-off adaptation of The Man With the Twisted Lip. John Longden makes an adequate Holmes but throwing in murder and blackmail on top of the original plot makes this overly complicated. “In your heart of hearts, do you think Neville is alive?”

A CASE OF HYPNOSIS was another one-shot in which master detective Professor Lightskull and his sidekick Twiddle battle a criminal psychiatrist. Forgettable except that it uses chimps in all the roles, with Paul Frees and Daws Butler providing the voices. “It’s not that he saw anything worthwhile through that magnifying glass, I think it just made him feel like a detective.”

YOUR SHOW TIME: Adventure of the Speckled Band does a decent job adapting the story with Alan Napier — later Alfred to Adam West’s Bruce Wayne — as Holmes. “That sir, unless you are a crystal gazer, you shall never know.”

Finally another ringer,  SCHLITZ PLAYHOUSE OF STARS: The General’s Boots. This has Basil Rathbone as an arrogant, officious general flying home from the Far East with former subordinate John Dehner on the same plane. When the plane goes down in the ocean, Rathbone takes charge of rationing the water — or is he really planning to drink it all himself? A good cast, but minor (the series was well-regarded but this episode came from its years of decline). In a type of advertising I’m familiar with, the series’ host waxes prolific about the wonders of drinking Schlitz beer — just as the general set high standards for his men, so Schlitz sets high standards for its brew! “I believe every individual is put on Earth with a purpose, to help with the survival of his species!”

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From Greenwich Village to Schmigadoon; movies and TV

I resumed working my way through Alfred Hitchcock’s films with one of my favorites, REAR WINDOW (1954). Jeff (Jimmy Stewart) is a globe-trotting news photographer who’s been stuck in his Greenwich Village apartment for weeks with a broken leg. In between visits from his girlfriend Lisa (Grace Kelly), a fashion entrepreneur, he passes the time vicariously watching the neighbors on the far side of the apartment-complex courtyard. A middle-aged couple with a pampered dog; the sexy dancer, “Miss Torso”; a sculptor; a couple of newlyweds; a struggling composer; quiet, desperate Miss Lonelyhearts; and a salesman (Raymond Burr) with an ill wife. When the wife disappears, Jeff becomes convinced the salesman murdered her. His cop buddy (Wendell Corey) scoffs; can Jeff, Lisa, and Jeff’s home nurse (Thelma Ritter) prove there’s been a killing?

This works well as a suspense thriller, but also as one of Hitchcock’s romances. Lisa and Jeff are clearly in love, but her business is in NYC; while he could do fashion and local news that’s not what he wants. He’s convinced himself she could never be comfortable traveling with him, there’s no point even trying to make it work — but events come to show she has the stuff of an adventurer in her.

It’s also the story of a small community, reminding me of another of the small town in another of my favorites, Shadow of a Doubt. There are multiple character arcs playing out before Stewart’s eyes, from the depressed Miss Lonelyhearts to Miss Torso fending off wolves (one theory touched on in the special features is that they represent various potential futures for Jeff and Lisa). While most analysis sees this as a film about voyeurism, the book Celluloid Skyline argues it’s about privacy: everyone is comfortable letting their neighbors around the courtyard peer into their lives in ways they wouldn’t be in front of a street-facing window (even Jeff is equally casual about what he lets people see). “That feminine intuition stuff sells women’s magazines but i real life it’s still a fairytale.”

By contrast TO CATCH A THIEF (1955) is pure fluff, though with a Riviera setting, Cary Grant and Grace Kelly in the lead roles and Jessie Royce Landis as Kelly’s tart-tongued mother, it’s winning fluff. Grant is John “The Cat” Robie, a cat burglar who used his criminals kills for the resistance during WW II. That got him paroled from prison but after a series of burglaries following the Cat’s MO, the French cops are convinced he’s gone back to his old ways. Robie decides the only way to catch the Cat Mark II is to find his next target and intercept him. This brings him into contact with Jessie Stevens (Landis), a gem-dripping widow who thinks he’d make a great match for her daughter Frances (Kelly). Frances, however, knows who John is and sees herself as his partner in crime. Can Robie catch the thief? Can Frances catch her man? It reminds me in some ways of the rom-com thrillers Hitch did in the 1930s such as The 39 Steps, though not as well written. “From where I sit, it looks like you were conjugating some very irregular verbs.”

PEPPERMINT SODA (1977) is a French coming of age story in which two sisters in the 1960s deal with oppressive teachers, jerk boyfriends, Mom taking a lover, the stirrings of sex and a growing awareness of politics. I’ve been wanting to catch this since seeing the sequel, Cocktail Molotov, some years back; while nothing other films haven’t done, this film does it well.

THE CLAUDIA KISHI CLUB (2020) is a 17-minute Netflix documentary on why Asian Baby Sitter Club fans loved Claudia, not only for giving them some representation in the series, but non-stereotypical representation at that (“You’ve no idea how amazing it is for the Asian-American to be the cool one.”).

When I upgraded my iPhone last year I got three months of Apple TV free. I activated it for Come From Away, then went on to watch the first season of Ted Lasso. Ted (Jason Sudeikis) is an upbeat, folksy college football coach recruited to become coach for Richmond, a struggling British soccer team. He doesn’t know the owner, Rebecca (Hannah Waddingham), hired him in the belief he’d fail: her ex loves the team and seeing it go down in defeat would hurt him (“I want Rupert sodomized with a splintered cricket bat. In and out, again and again.”). Can Ted handle cocksure players, perky girlfriends and local skepticism? The results are funny as hell, though I may postpone watching S2 rather than keep my subscription going.

At my brother’s recommendation I also caught the six-episode SCHMIGADOON! Josh and Melissa (Keegan-Michael Key, Cecily Strong) are two doctors who’ve been in a relationship for a year, but it’s fraying a little. On a hiking trip they stumble into the magical town of Schmigadoon, where people break out spontaneously into song and there’s no way to leave except in the company of your true love. Trouble is, when Josh and Melissa walk away from the town, it won’t let them leave — so does that mean their love’s no good? Can they find true love in town or are they trapped there forever? With a cast that includes Martin Short, Jane Krakowski and Kristen Chenoweth, this references musicals from Carousel to Sound of Music (“Yes, I’m totally a Nazi.”). Great fun though the cliffhanger ending makes me wonder what they have in mind if this makes it to S2. “This place has completely destroyed my concept of the structure of reality because that was a fricking leprechaun!”

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Doctor Who, S17: Douglas Adams, Lalla Ward and a Lost Serial

Doctor Who had a pretty good Season 15 followed by the uneven Key of Time season. Both seasons boasted some great episodes such as Image of the Fendahl— and two great companions, Leela and Romana (plus introducing K9 in S15). S17 has no great serials, which may reflect Douglas Adams was the story editor.

While Adams did a great job with The Pirate Planet the previous season his quirky sense of humor doesn’t work as well here. Mary Tam’s Romana regenerating into Lalla Ward didn’t help either. Ward would work perfectly well as a cute human companion but as a Time Lady she’s way too ineffective; Tam had considerably more gravitas in her role.

The first serial, Destiny of the Daleks, opens with a comic sequence in which Romana tries several new looks before settling on Lalla Ward. This is the first indication we’ve had that Time Lords have any say in their appearance, but it’s not surprising she’s better at it than the Doctor. Then the TARDIS lands and they’re suddenly caught up in a battle between the Daleks and the Movellans, aliens (multiethnic, which was unusual in those days) who turn out to be androids. It turns out the planet is Skaro and the Daleks are there to resurrect Davros. The two alien races have stalemated each other and the Daleks hope Davros’ genius can see a strategy they’ve missed.

The problems with the serial are that the Movellans are uninteresting adversaries and David Gooderson is a poor substitute for Michael Wisher’s Davros. Nobody has ever matched Wisher’s ability to infuse Davros’ voice with both a mechanical quality and raw, fanatical rage. I’d have sooner left Davros dead, but after this he’d return in several later Dalek stories.

Adams himself wrote City of Death which is this season’s best, though I don’t like it as much as many. Julian Glover plays Scarlioni, a count who’s actually an alien fractured in multiple times. As one of his selves lives in Renaissance Italy, it’s a simple matter to have Leonardo paint multiple copies of the Mona Lisa which present-day Scarlioni can sell covertly (after stealing the one in the Louvre) to raise money for his Big and Evil Plan. It’s a solid story but a buffoonish American investigator makes a really annoying character.

In The Creature of the Pit, the TARDIS lands on a metal poor planet where people who cross the ruling noblewoman get thrown to the eponymous oozing horror. The monster, however, is not what it seems … Again, a lot of comic relief in the clueless freedom fighters here.

Nightmare of Eden has a freak space-warp accident fuse two ships together — more alarming because one of them is involved in a drug-smuggling plot. This was a mess behind the scenes — the director and cinematographer got yanked off midway through — which may explain why it’s so forgettable to watch.

Things pick up with The Horns of Nimon, a reworking of Theseus and the Minotaur The TARDIS materializes on a vessel carrying a group of royal teens as sacrifices to the mighty Skonnosian Empire; on Skonnos, they will be thrown into the labyrinth of the Nimon. The Doctor and Romana are not, of course, down with this. For the first time, Romana II shows some spine and I do like the dilemma of the Theseus analog Seth (“I’m not a prince and I didn’t set out to destroy the Nimon, that’s just a story I made up to give them hope.”). Overall it’s mediocre though, but I do love the line “Have you noticed how people’s intellectual curiosity declines the moment they start waving guns around?”The final serial of the season, Shada, never aired due to a tech strike at the BBC. Audio versions and a novelization followed and now the Beeb has used animation to complete the unfinished scenes. The Doctor and Romana are visiting the retired Time Lord Chronotis at Cambridge, where he works as a professor. The sneering villain Skagra (Andrew Sachs) is there too, seeking to pluck the location of something called “Shada” from the professor’s mind. It turns out Shada is a Time Lord prison that everyone has forgotten exists. Skagra plans to liberate one of the criminals imprisoned there as a necessary component in his plan to impose universal order.

I’m really happy to live in a world where so many lost serials have been reconstructed and this one is above average for the season though no more than that. Romana’s back to being wimpy but the humor doesn’t overpower the story. As a fan, definitely worth seeing.

I’ll be back in a few months with S18, Tom Baker’s swan song as the Time Lord.

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They keep haunting Scrooge: some familiar movies viewed

I doubt anyone’s getting up this morning to read my blog, but here we go anyway with some of my favorite adaptations.

First, the musical — SCROOGE (1970) has a grumpy Albert Finney lashing out at clerk Michael Crawford, nephew Freddie Jones, ghosts Judith Anderson, John Gielgud and Kenneth More plus random orphans and charity solicitors (“I hate people/And I don’t care if they hate me!”) before waking up Christmas morning to realize everything’s changed (“I think I’m going to like Christmas.”). One I’m fond of, particularly the black humor of Christmas Future “You will be to Lucifer as Bob Cratchitt was to you.”

Next, the animated musical — MR. MAGOO’S CHRISTMAS CAROL (1962) has Magoo (Jim Backus) return to Broadway to play Scrooge, dance and sing (“Pounds and tuppence and shillings and bob/Give them away and nobody will rob — you.”) before almost literally bringing down the house. A surprisingly good score makes this one a success “A hand for each hand is the way it was planned/Why won’t my fingers reach?”

Then the Reagan-era Scrooge — A CHRISTMAS CAROL (1984) boasts a great George C. Scott performance as a naturalistic Scrooge, a hard-headed businessman rather than Finney’s over-the-top miser; I particularly like the handling of Christmas Future where Scrooge clearly grasps that he’s dead but goes into denial. The emphasis that the people Scrooge condemns to the workhouse and debtor’s prison are hardworking, deserving poor is an obvious response to Reagan’s baloney about welfare queens and young black men living high on your tax dollars, but it certainly hasn’t lost its relevance. With Michael Gough as a fundraiser, Roger Rees as Fred (here Scrooge isn’t complaining his nephew is poor, simply that he didn’t marry rich) and Edward Woodward as Christmas Present (“Perhaps in the sight of heaven you may be more worthless and less fit to live than millions like this poor man’s child.”). “The dealings of my trade were but a comprehensive drop of water in the ocean of my business.”

The definitive Scrooge remains A CHRISTMAS CAROL (1951), with Alistair Sim constantly disgruntled these annoying spirits won’t let him go back to his nice warm bed on Christmas Eve, let alone forcing him to witness the tragic turning points of his past and the ominous trends of his future. Always a pleasure. “A man’s deeds foreshadow certain ends, but if the deeds be changed, must not the ends change also?”

Then came the 1960 Twilight Zone episode “The Night of the Meek,” with Art Carney (who could do so much more than just Jackie Gleason’s sidekick) as a drunken department store Santa wishing that for just one Christmas, the meek could truly inherit the Earth. And then he finds a bag which seems able to give people whatever the gift is they want most … The sense of genuine poverty in the show’s background is typical of the series’ aesthetic, and the story leaves me in tears every time (not hard at Christmas. Scrooge I am not). And I love that even the officious store owner who fires Carney at the start gets a Merry Christmas instead of coal in his stocking. “That’s why I weep — and that’s why I drink.”

Courtesy of the BritBox streaming service I watched THE VICAR OF DIBLEY: The Christmas Lunch Incident in which the Reverend Geraldine (Dawn French) finds herself invited to four different lunches on the big day, and of course everyone would be offended if she didn’t eat a hearty meal … It’s a stock set-up but damn, it made me laugh, particularly touches like a child explaining why Baby Jesus is so special (“He’s named after a swear word!”). A Britcom I really must watch in full sometime. “Like Mary, the Spice Girls were virgins.”

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Alien visitors on television!

Continuing to catch up on my Alien Visitor viewing — this should almost be the last post.

I watched some of X-FILES‘ sixth season which involves the final collapse of the alien hybridization conspiracy … and almost immediately a new conspiracy arises, involving aliens turning humans into super-soldiers who can regenerate from almost anything. Then I jumped ahead to the final episode of the original run, in which the Cigarette Smoking Man reveals the fall of humanity will come in 2012, just like the Mayans foresaw — and nothing Mulder and Scully can do will prevent it! This gains considerably more oomph from having watched so many episodes than it did when I first saw it for Screen Enemies of the American Way.

I then caught up with the revival series, limiting myself to the first and final episodes of the final season. The opening episode reveals that Scully’s son William, rather than being Mulder’s child, was actually implanted medically by the CSM, laden with alien DNA — yes, it’s another case of alien impregnation by rape. In the final season, William takes down the CSM and Scully and Mulder get to go happily into the sunset. I can’t say I feel any regret not watching the rest, and my friend Ross says my review of the show is sound without more viewing.

ROSWELL CONSPIRACIES (1999) was a TV animated series that owes a lot to The X-Files. Protagonist traumatized by an alien abduction? Check. Paired with a woman partner? Check. Government UFO coverups? Check? Sinister conspiracies against humanity? Check.

What makes it distinctive is that it’s also very much rooted in Von Daniken. Countless monsters out of myth and folklore — banshee, yeti, werewolf, vampire — are aliens living among us (this also gives it a very urban fantasy feel). Bounty hunter Nick Logan, who has the psi-ability to see through aliens’ human disguises, reluctantly goes to work for the supersecret agency that keeps the alien presence secret and tries locking up as many as possible. Logan winds up partnered with Sh’lain, a banshee who favors assimilation over her people’s commitment to isolation.

This was a lot of fun, including the in-joke of a reporter named Carl McGavin, who even looks like Darren McGavin as Carl Kolchak, The Night Stalker (a show that was a major inspiration for the X-Files)? This one I watched all the way through.

STAR-CROSSED (2014) — no relation to the TV movie Starcrossedtakes place a decade after a botched first contact with Atrian refugees landing on Earth (the military assumed they were an invading force). The Atrians have been segregated in their own city (much nicer than District 9) but now the “Atrian Seven” teenagers have been picked to attend a human high school. Bigotry breaks out on both sides of the racial divide, along with romance. Watchable fare from the CW but I’ve no regrets it didn’t make it to S2.

Courtesy of library DVDs, I finally caught RESIDENT ALIEN (2021 — ), the oddball adaptation of a comic-book mystery series. The comic’s premise is that an alien stranded on Earth, posing as a human doctor, winds up becoming town doctor for a nearby rural community and investigating the murder of his predecessor. In short, it’s Diagnosis: Murder if Dick Van Dyke had been an alien.

The TV show takes the basic premise and piles on several more layers of plot. First off, Harry  Vanderspiegle (Alan Tudyk) arrived on Earth to wipe out humanity before we make the planet unlivable for his people’s kindred, the cephalopods. After his spaceship crashed he murdered the real Harry, took his place and settled into a reclusive existence near Patience, Colorado — only as in the comics, to be dragged into the town’s life when the resident doctor is murdered.

There are lots of added plotlines including a child who can see Harry; his nurse, who’s obsessively stalking the now-teenage girl she gave up for adoption; the town bartender who’s into Harry; and the feuding between the sheriff and his deputy. For some critics it was just overstuffed but I enjoyed it.

Tudyk is the real lure, though. The script lets him do it all — bemused social commentary on human ways, personal vanity (he has a lot of that), covering up the murder, discovering about sex and booze. Tudyk’s performance is of a very awkward nonhuman, in the tradition of Brother From Another Planet and Starman, At best, he comes off as socially ultra-awkward; when he laughs, it’s obvious he’s seen people do it and knows the motions but has never actually done it before. I look forward to catching the second season.

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This was worth Apple TV

So as part of getting new iPhones, TYG and I got access to free HBO Max for a year and three months of Apple TV. I didn’t bother much about the latter until I saw they were airing a video of Broadway’s COME FROM AWAY. I signed up (don’t know I’ll keep it when the three months are up though), as I love the soundtrack.After the 9/11 airplane attacks, 7,000 air travelers were diverted away from United States air space and dropped off at an airport next to Gander, Newfoundland, which has a population of around 11,000. The results? Panic, romance, friendship, practical problems (“I went to the store for tampons and pads.”) and fish-kissing. While I”m long past the point at which 9/11 evokes strong emotions in me, the characterizations, conflicts and humor — not to mention the excellent music — worked for me; I imagine it might  work even for future generations for whom 9/11 is a historical footnote. A pleasure to see it after hearing it so often. “We have passengers down at the Moose Club who want to try elk — no, wait, it’s the Elk’s Club and the want to try moose.”

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“You’ll be born again into an untroubled world”: Aliens and emotion

One of the hoariest cliches of alien-visitor films — and a lot of other SF — is that being superior intellects, they no longer possess emotions.

There’s an assumption in our culture that emotions are a leftover of our primitive past — references to our “lizard brain” driving our decisions for instance — whereas intelligence represents our more evolved future. As we evolve we’ll get bigger heads holding much larger brains — like the Curt Swan cover here showing a super-evolved Batman — but our hearts will shrivel. Once Batman accidentally super-evolves, he becomes cold, logical, ruthless: rather than share his advanced condition with Superman he uses the machine to devolve him into a caveman instead.

Similarly in Outer Limits: The Sixth Finger, coal miner Gwyllm (David McCallum) volunteers as guinea pig for an evolution experiment, hoping it will give him a path out of the coal mines. He gets the big brain and a sixth finger (greater dexterity) and begins lashing out with TK at everyone who’s pissed him off. Then he evolves again, beyond revenge but also beyond feeling. His disgruntled lover reverts him back to normal.

Alien visitors are clearly more advanced than we are so it’s a simple jump to assume they’ve also evolved superior intelligence. Not a logical jump: as far as I know, we’re not significantly more intelligent than Babylon despite having what would be unimaginably superior technology to theirs. But it’s a staple assumption: they have higher intelligence so they must have given up on feelings. Nothing left but cold, rational logic. If it’s logical to eliminate us as a threat or to conquer us, they’re going to do it. Dispassionately of course.

In the 1978 Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Kibner (Leonard Nimoy) informs Matthew (Donald Sutherland) that the pods taking over the world isn’t anything personal, just a matter of survival. The pods aren’t destroying us out of hate or malice; they’re as incapable of those as of love.

In another Outer Limits episode, Keeper of the Purple Twilight (an evocative title that has no relation to anything in the episode), the alien Ikar gives a human scientist his people’s emotionless mindset, taking on the scientist’s emotions in return. In a nice, twist, this is a scam: the aliens need the scientist to build a stargate that will let them invade. Without emotions, he’s willing to dive into the research without distractions such as his wife. Ikar, of course, starts to discover feelings, particularly for the scientist’s wife, are good. At one point he informs her that on his loveless world women exist solely as breeders: if they can’t contribute to the race, they’re eliminated.

The implicit assumption that logically women have no other purpose but childbearing is way sexist. It gives me fresh appreciation for Star Trek where Vulcans repress emotion but they’re apparently egalitarian, appointing T’Pau as one of their leaders. Repressing emotion on Vulcan doesn’t mean becoming malevolent or misogynist; they’re pacifist. In comparison to most emotionless aliens, they’re outliers.

Of course there are lots of aliens who, like Ikar, discover emotion is actually fun. In the alien-abduction stories Taken, Beyond the Sky and Visitors of the Night, the aliens are studying us because they’d like to regain the ability to feel. In Starman, Jeff Bridges admits his people’s peaceful unity lacks some of Earth’s fun, like singing, dancing, food and sex.

Antonio Damasio’s Descartes’ Error argues persuasively that the higher/lower approach to Brains and Heart is wrong in any case. Emotions can be an effective part of our decision-making process; if we don’t know what we want, decisions would be abstract navel-gazing. For example the logical response to someone offering to pay for sex with our child “Hmm, the odds of getting punished are low, I’ll have a fortune left over even after paying for Mandy’s therapy” or to flatten the scumbag with a lug wrench? But in fiction, the divide remains strong.

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X-files and kids! Movies and TV viewed

X-FILES‘ third season made a major addition to the mythos in the form of a black, oozing oil that can take over the bodies of whoever it comes in contact with. It’s tied in to the alien agenda, though as usual its hard to say how or what it wants. This also establishes the conspiracy is tied in with Paperclip (the operation that brought Nazi war criminals to the U.S. to work for us) and with various Japanese WW II experiments on POWs. The highlight though was Charles Nelson Reilly as smirking author Jose Chung in “Jose Chung’s From Outer Space.” Chung is doing a book on UFO beliefs and his clout has gotten him access to the X-Files so he follows along on Scully and Mulder’s latest investigation. As he interviews people we get a great moment where someone who encountered the agents assures Chung they were extraterrestrial men in black (“Her hair was a shade of red not found in nature.”). Overall, a good season.

S4 was a lot less interesting to me. The highpoint was the non-mytharc episode “Never Again” in which Scully refuses one of Mulder’s assignments and then asks the obvious questions: why does he always pick the assignments? Why doesn’t she have a desk in their basement office? Lampshading the sexist aspects doesn’t solve them but it was nice to see her rebel. Otherwise things proceed as normal, though with an unusual finish, “Gethsemane,” in which Mulder apparently commits suicide after learning he’s a dupe. A man tells Fox that the government uses UFO sighting to distract people from other issues they don’t want them thinking about so Mulder promoting the myth is serving the officials he thinks he’s exposing. This isn’t convincing — he’s hardly a public figure, after all — but it is a clever twist. Overall though, the show is running out of steam for me. “The lies are so deep, the only way to cover them is with an even bigger lies.”

LILO AND STITCH (2002) has a mad scientist’s genetically engineered agent of destruction escape confinement and flee to Earth, where it’s taken in by lonely little Lilo in the belief he’s a strange-looking dog. This would double-bill well with The Iron Giant for another example of a living weapon tamed by a child’s friendship. It becomes quite charming as it progresses but in the early scenes Stitch isn’t that different from ALF. With Ving Rhames as CIA agent Cobra Bubbles, Tia Carrera as Lilo’s big sister and caregiver and David Ogden Stier as Stitch’s creator. “In case you’re wondering, things did not go well.”

ALIENS ATE MY HOMEWORK (2018) has a tween boy enlisted by action figure-sized alien cops to help track down an alien supervillain plotting the conquest of Earth. Unremarkable kidvid, based on the first of a four-book series by Bruce Coville. “In a civilized galaxy, cruelty to others is the greatest crime of all.”

I had more fun with CAN OF WORMS (1999) in which a teenage nerd’s Worst Day Ever convinces him to call outer space for someone to take him away, as he’ll clearly never be happy on Earth. This gets him saddled with an oozing blob of an alien lawyer (“We could sue the pants off planet Earth!”), a wise talking dog voiced by Malcolm McDowell and a villain exploiting a legal loophole (contacting galactic civilization proves Earth’s advanced enough it doesn’t need protection). This had way too much teen angst for me to get into it, but it definitely had its moments. “You made me feel something no-one else did — that I belonged here.”

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