That’s the point made in this discussion on BlueSky (which I can’t find a link to — I thought I had one).
It exists not because men are naturally dominant and superior but because they aren’t. And the misogynists are desperately pushing back to create a society that supports their unjustified belief in their own superiority. Patriarchy makes you stupid and vicious too. Much as they pretend the old 1950s sitcom-style family was a wonderful system for women, the women disagreed.
We see this in “Whisky Pete” Hegseth’s determination to push women out of military leadership. It clashes with his own uninspired record to admit women are more qualified and capable than he is. And some men’s terrified obsession they’re not manly enough. And that respecting equality and diversity is incompatible with the toxic masculinity they claim the military needs. I think the military’s record proves that’s bullshit, but that’s the problem with this kind of masculinity — you can never be butch enough to feel secure.
More broadly it ties in to what Paul Krugman calls MAGA brain: “the belief that effective governance comes from being harsh and unfeeling, putting aside namby-pamby, dare I say woke, concerns about stuff like protecting the environment or respecting civil liberties.” I’d say being harsh and unfeeling is also what they think of as being a Real Man — being soft, compassionate, thoughtful, those are women’s feelings, women’s work. Being a man means smashing stuff and killing people without worrying about right and wrong or consequences or really anything.
This is bad for many of the men trapped in patriarchy too but many of them won’t believe it. At least if they support patriarchy and live up to their friends’ standards for manhood, they can tell themselves they’re not girls, the worst and cootiest thing in the universe. Choking on their own misery isn’t as bad as being too soft in the eyes of other men.
This is a problem that needs fixing, both for society at large and for the victims of this mental state. The one thing we can’t do is back off on the fight for equality or put that on hold until men get over it. As Elizabeth Spiers says at the link, “It is not the responsibility of women to convince men of our humanity, abilities and potential.”
Death to patriarchy. Life for everyone trapped in it.
