VELOCIPASTOR (2019) is one of the few times an intentionally bad film turned out entertaining rather than unintentionally bad: a priest grieving his murdered parents gains the mystic power to become a crimefighting velociraptor and goes up against a conspiracy of Christian ninjas with the help of an ex-hooker. Memorable, certainly.“Dinosaurs never existed — and even if they did, I don’t transform into one.”
THE GREAT MOUSE DETECTIVE (1986) has Basil (Barrie Ingham), a rodent sleuth who lives in the cellar at 221B Baker Street, reluctantly reluctantly help out a small girl whose toymaker father has been kidnapped (“Did you say _ by a bat?”) as part of Rattigan’s (Vincent Price) scheme to seize control of the British Mouse Empire. Great fun, as I remembered; given the bat henchman, Anastasia would be a logical double bill. “Rattigan, no-one can have a higher opinion of you than I have — and I think you’re a slimy, contemptible sewer rat.”
THE BIG BOSS (1971) was Bruce Lee’s debut film, a Hong Kong actioner in which a drug dealer whacks most of Lee’s family for knowing too much, then discovers why that was a very foolish thing to do. Lee has a screen presence that stands out from the rest of the cast but the non-action scenes serve no purpose other than bridging from one martial arts clash to the next.
FIST OF FURY (1972) is a clear step up for Bruce Lee, staying interesting even between the fight scenes. A Japanese crime syndicate murders Lee’s teacher, threatens the school and constantly sneers about how inferior a race the Chinese are (makes me curious how this played to the original Chinese audience). Is it any surprise Lee finally snaps and forgets his mentor’s path of nonviolence? Much more worth watching. “I have no right to be here — but I don’t look very frightened, do I?”
Following that last film (Matthew Polly’s biography details Lee’s too-soon death), footage from Lee’s next project became The Game of Death — but unfortunately I Netflixed THE GAME OF DEATH II (1982) which uses stock footage of Lee, has his character killed, then brings in his brother to fight for revenge. Forgettable. “I just want to meet the man who’s stupid enough to write a letter like that.”
DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS: Honor Among Thieves (2023) lives up to its billing as the Good D&D Movie. Chris Pine plays a fallen hero turned mercenary adventurer, imprisoned alongside two-fished Michelle Rodriguez; when they break out to reclaim Pine’s little girl, they discover former ally-turned-caregiver Hugh Grant has no intention of giving her up. Oh, and he’s also allied with an evil undead wizard — perhaps forming a new adventuring band would be a timely idea?
This was thoroughly enjoyable, though the core cast is surprisingly human-centric, presumably to avoid looking like a Lord of the Rings knockoff. I enjoy that it makes no concession to newbies — if you don’t know what a tiefling is, too bad (I’ve only a vague idea but it didn’t bother me), while if you do know D&D you’ll find plenty to recognize. One character also shows how to play a paladin who’s fun to hang out with. “Just because that sentence is symmetrical doesn’t mean it’s not nonsense.”
BELLS OF CAPISTRANO (1942) stars cowboy singer Gene Autry as yes, Gene Autry, whose musical talent may be what Virginia Grey needs to keep her Wild West show afloat. However she has competitors who would much rather see her fail …. As usual for Autry’s films, pleasant, if lightweight. “Scaring is good for singers. I heard that … somewhere.”
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