More stuff I learned from my writing group (#SFWApro)

If I get feedback from my writing group, I don’t usually bring the rewritten version back to them. Making someone sit through it twice makes me feel mean. However, after the feedback on Southern Discomfort, I did want to see if the new draft helped with some of the problems. So last night, I read it (prologue and part of Chapter One)
Unanimously they thought it was an improvement over the previous version. They did have some questions and comments of note:
•A surprising number of people assume the elves running Candleston are evil. Admittedly they don’t know much about them, but I wouldn’t have thought anything made them look that bad.
•Some listeners still thought the two or three POVs in the prologue was excessive. But much fewer said so than with the first draft so taking the time to go into more detail and not just jump from scene to scene like an art film on speed was obviously the right approach.
•Several people thought “MacDonal” too close to McDonalds. Even allowing for the effect of reading aloud (they don’t look so similar on the page) I think I’ll look for an alternative name.
•When Richard Cannon appears during the prologue, one listener thought I took too long to explain who he is and what he wants. Someone else thought his civil rights comments were too cliched. They may have a point.
•It’s easy for me to forget, but a lot of people, even fantasy readers/writers, don’t know faerie folklore as much as I do. So my detailing some of the magic and defining the terms helped a lot. I shall remember that going forward.
•I need more Southern details and touches of the setting. Good advice.
•Chapter One, from Maria’s point of view, is a bit slow. Nothing really happens.
This may be a problem. I definitely want the first chapter to be mostly set-up: Introduce the cast, the setting, hint at some of what’s ahead. One reason for doing the prologue is so that I’ve got an opening with lots going on and can (hopefully) take it slow.
However maybe it’s slower than will work. It’s possible Maria’s a bit too burned out and she’ll need some personality surgery to work. I think writing her over the course of the book and shaping up her character arc will help a lot, too.
Overall, though, they didn’t see any problems that aren’t fixable. That’s very encouraging.