“In those moments before the Greyhound bus crossed the Pharisee County line, I had no idea what was waiting for me. My worries riding through Georgia were the same as they’d been when I left New York: were any of the other passengers cops? After three years on the run, it was automatic to look around and wonder whether the Maria Esposito, Girl Fugitive series was about to be canceled.”
(Figured I’d use some Southern-related images I already have in my files as illustrations)
That’s the opening paragraph in Southern Discomfort (while I’m still waiting for the final cover image, I figured I’d start posting about the book again so people remember it’s coming out. Eventually). I think it’s a good opening. It establishes some initial stakes, gives the location, and introduces readers to Maria’s voice.
What it doesn’t do is establish genre; as that agent said about Let No Man Put Asunder during the writer’s work day earlier this year, there’s no hint of the supernatural. The previous draft had a second sentence to the effect that “I’d never heard of the daoine sidhe and malocchia was something from Grandma Sophia’s stories” which establishes something of what you’re going to find. One of my beta-readers (thanks Maggie!) said foreshadowing that heavily didn’t work and I’m inclined to agree (not 100 percent convinced but convinced enough).
I don’t think anyone who picks up Southern Discomfort will be confused — there’ll be the clearly supernatural cover, the back of the book copy — but no, they won’t get genre at all from the first chapter. The most supernatural things are a freak rain storm once the bus crosses the Pharisee County line, and Maria’s constant sense of something wrong when she looks at the storm clouds.
I’d originally started the book with Olwen McAlister’s murder, but it’s not tense and almost all the action is on the bad guy’s side. Maria’s bus ride is a stronger hook and it establishes that even in a book with an ensemble cast, she’s the center. And I think the character, the voice and the mood are strong enough to keep people reading even without any magic yet.
I may not find out until next year (siiigh) but I think I’m right.
Cover by Vince Stone. All rights to images remain with current holders.
One of my favorite Gene Wolfe novels is The Devil in the Forest. Most of the way through it reads like a very good, well-researched historical novel. Only near the end does it become apparent that the title is quite literal. On the other hand, it’s not one of his better known works, so there’s that to consider.
Interesting. I haven’t heard of that one, though I do like Wolfe’s work.