Time to learn the true meaning of Christmas

Yep, time for my usual immersion in Christmas treacle. And what could be sweeter than characters learning that Christmas is about more than the big pile of gifts under the tree (though I admit I kind of like that part too!).

THE BAD GUYS: A Very Bad Holiday (2023) is a Netflix short spinning off from an animated film in which the Bad Wolf and his gang of anthropomorphic crooks end up discovering they’re good guys after all. Here, however, they’re still criminals, plotting a Christmas Heistacular on the one day of the year even security guards stay home with family. When they screw up and accidentally wipe out the Big Apple’s Christmas spirit it looks like nobody will be staying home — unless they can turn things around by Christmas Day (“We have to do good, so we can do bad!”). Amusing enough. “Santa is a criminal hero — he’s broken into more homes than anyone else and deserves our respect!”

Then we have the poor schmuck visited by The Spirit of Christmas Presents Past in a commercial my friend Ross taped off the air for me years ago (I transferred it to DVD). The Spirit reminds the schmuck of every rotten gift he ever gave (“Motor oil on a rope — for your mother!”) and explains he can find the true meaning of the season by shopping at the Meijer department store

In THE REAL GHOSTBUSTERS: X-Mas Marks the Spot, everyone on Earth needs to relearn the meaning of Christmas after a time-traveling encounter with Dickens’ three ghosts saves Scrooge from learning his lesson; his subsequent book A Christmas Humbug discredited belief in Christmas for all time. Can the team remake Scrooge’s Christmas Eve encounter without the ghosts? Will Peter learn that his own crappy childhood doesn’t mean Christmas has to suck forever? A perennial favorite. “As my brother the Ghost of Christmas Present would say, let’s take it from the top.”So is TWILIGHT ZONE: The Night of the Meek in which Art Carney’s drunken department-store Santa discovers a sack that gives everyone the gifts they want — even the officious store manager who just fired him. Shows Serling’s talent that this perfectly balances the bleak side of Christmas (kids going hungry, parents desperate for work) with hope that for just one night, the meek can inherit the Earth. “1910? That was a very good year.”

In WKRP IN CINCINNATI‘s Christmas episode, “Bah Humbug!” it’s station manager Mr. Carlson (Gordon Jump) who needs to learn Christmas is about more than stiffing the staff on bonuses so he can impress his mother (the station’s owner) with how well he’s managing the budget. Suddenly he’s stuck in “one of those Christmas Carol things” and forced to rethink his priorities. A classic, though it’ll never eclipse the legendary Thanksgiving episode. “I want those brownies — I’m going to put one in mother’s martini!”

And then we have that ultimate Scrooge the Grinch in HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS (the original TV cartoon — I recognize no other adaptations). The dour Grinch is fed up with the Whos ruining his peace and quiet by their happy Christmas singing — but they wouldn’t be singing if he dressed up as Santa and stole every last present, would they? No way this plan can go wrong, right? With Boris Karloff narrating and Thurl Ravenscroft singing. “And then the true meaning of Christmas shone through/And the Grinch found the strength of ten grinches plus two!”

While down in Florida I watched KARROLL’S CHRISTMAS (2004) with my sister and our mutual bestie Cindy and they enjoyed it too. Karroll, a disgruntled greeting card writer who’s never gotten over his ex dumping him at Christmas, discovers a ganja-addled Jacob Marley has sent the Three Ghosts to his house instead of miserable, pissed–off neighbor Wallace Shawn. Which is ridiculous because Karroll certainly doesn’t need to learn the meaning of Christmas … right? One that deserves to be better known than it is. “The word ‘lunatic’ is very hurtful to me and to … you know, lunatics!”

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