Time-travel once more (#SFWApro)

THE DRIVETIME (1995) is a pretentious film in which a researcher travels back from 2023 to the near future of 1999 via “the drivetime” (apparently a channel into Aboriginal dreamtime and back from there to the past) which mostly serves as an excuse to witness strange cults, poetry slams and protests against the terrible dehumanizing effect of communicating online instead of in person. Would double bill well with the equally pointless Foxfur for aimless artiness, or Jubilee for the time-traveler not doing anything. I can see why it’s so obscure. “I don’t know for sure if that’s the Nevada Bluffs or the coasts of Idaho.”

TOMORROW I’LL GET UP AND SCALD MYSELF WITH TEA (1977) is a Czech comedy that starts in the utopian 1990s as a trio of Nazis plot to take a suitcase nuke back on a commercial time-travel flight to 1944, only to have a fluke (their crooked time pilot’s twin has replaced him) set things going very wrong, starting with their arrival date (Dec. 8, 1941, so the Fuehrer can’t figure why they think Germany is considering surrender). This starts slow but builds up to a glorious loopiness by the end; would double bill well with Triangle for the increasing body count on each time trip (all rights to image below reside with current holder). “And what about the armchairs?”

DREAM OF A WARRIOR (2001) is one of Korea’s less impressive time-travel productions, as a method for projecting people into their past lives puts the boy/girl leads into a mystical fantasy kingdom…. which was boring enough that I decided I could consign this one safely to the appendix.

If the sequel sells the series, HALLOWEENTOWN II: Kalabar’s Revenge (2001) must have gone over a lot better with others than it does with me. The story concerns a family of witches confronting, as in the first movie, a scheme to take over their magical home town; it qualifies for the appendix due to the protagonist escaping mid-way through with a time-travel spell. Nothing Sabrina the Teenage Witch couldn’t have done as well.“I had the urge—to clean!”

STARGATE: Continuum (2008) was the direct-to-DVD finish for the series wherein one of the alien Gou’ald travels through time to prevent Earth ever activating its Stargate. This leaves the core cast trapped in a world they never made and confronting a U.S. government that has no intention of letting them travel in time to erase the current reality. Of course Ba’al’s plans eventually make that a necessity … a good finalé, and now I’ll have to look at some of my other alternates and see if they don’t use the same trick to rationalize time-line changing (i.e., once the Gou’ald attack it turns out this is the Worst Possible Timeline). “You’re literally a grandfather paradox.”

LOVE, PAIN AND VICE VERSA (2008) has a lonely architect dreaming of a perfect lover and taking desperate steps to find him in real life, unaware he’s also dreaming of her as the woman who kills him. I thought this might involve some sort of parallel-world element but no, it’s left unexplained (but definitely without a time-travel element). In it’s own right, pretty good, but too many flaws (including the female lead crying False Rape) to recommend. “Any woman who’s had an orgasm knows what star-flavored icecream tastes like.”

JUSTIN TIME (2008) is a forgettable young-adult fantasy  in which a Shoshone Indian becomes guardian of a magic time-stopping amulet. However it’s twin is the in the hands of the bad guys, who intend to combine them for greater power (precognition, for instance). As time-stopping doesn’t qualify, this won’t even make the appendix.In its own right poor—it can’t quite decide whether it’s a teen comedy or a thriller and fails at both.

FREE BIRDS (2013) has time-traveling turkeys Owen Wilson and Woody Harrelson try to save their people by getting turkeys scratched off the menu for the first Thanksgiving. Didn’t work for me (Chicken Run did a similar idea much better) but does boast a voice cast that includes Colm Meaney as a deadly hunter, Keith David as a turkey leader, Amy Poehler as a Pretty Turkey and George Takei as the voice of the time machine. “This might destroy the universe, but I don’t have any choice.”

JUST VISITING (2001) is the American version of The Visitors, keeping Jean Reno and Christian Clavier as medieval time-travelers, but unfortunately replacing Valérie Lemercier with ever-bland Christina Applegate as Reno’s descendant. While the slapstick is still funny, Applegate takes up too much time, and her subplot (bad romance, finding her inner confidence, etc.) does too, without bringing anything new to the table.“If we are caught, I will verify to the police that you are a hostage.”

Tomorrow-I’ll-wake-up-and-scald-myself-with-tea

2 Comments

Filed under Movies, Now and Then We Time Travel

2 responses to “Time-travel once more (#SFWApro)

  1. Pingback: Some good time-travel films this week, but only some (#SFWApro) | Fraser Sherman's Blog

  2. Pingback: Fun stuff about indexing (#SFWApro) | Fraser Sherman's Blog

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