Annihilated by Eldercare!

Okay, not completely annihilated, but pretty squished.
As I mentioned last post, I headed off to Mum’s assisted living apartment. Missions: Give the current 24/7 health aide a couple of days off (she’s expensive. Very worth it, but expensive) and sort out some of Mum’s finances. Neither one fun. Sitting with her in a small (albeit comfortable) apartment with minimal window space made me feel extremely cramped and confined, esp. since I couldn’t really leave for long. Not that Mum’s in imminent danger of exploding or anything, but there’s always the worry she’ll have another fall when nobody’s there (she did have one while I was there, but caught herself on me. So I accomplished something good). And plunging into Mum’s incoherently filed papers (this is not something her recent mental troubles can be blamed for) is really unsettling—I’ve no idea where anything is (and some current papers apparently aren’t anywhere), neither she nor her partner are up for explaining and the files are so disorderly, just browsing them costs me a loss of sanity points. I described it to someone as the equivalent of taking a midterm when you don’t know the subject, never came to class and the teacher speaks a language you don’t know.
Due to Mum’s apartment not being wired for WiFi (so to speak) I couldn’t access the Internet except on her computer. Which is an older, crappier, slower version with Internet Explorer and it was just too big a pain to post, even if I’d had the presence of mind.
The good news: Her mental condition is temporary. It’s “delirium,” a delusory state that can result from infection, sudden changes in environment, disease, new drugs … And eventually the victim recovers. Unfortunately, it can happen again easily enough.
The bad: She had a relapse yesterday. I suspect (based on my non-existent medical expertise) that they infection she had hasn’t been cleared up (antibiotic resistant and it hasn’t been checked since Mum got out of the nursing home nine days ago).
So we’re now figuring out What Next. I’ve made some suggestions, I’m waiting for feedback.
I returned home Friday, but spent most of the weekend catching up, sorting things out here, snuggling with TYG and regaining energy for today. And in light of my experience, I’m generously offering free life lessons (feel free to stop reading here if you wish)!
•Keep a running track of your finances—investment accounts, bank accounts, credit cards, whatever. Have some source listing them all and give it to your S/O or your kids, as appropriate. Trust me, you do not want someone you love trying to figure this out from scratch. And there may come a time even you can’t remember it all when you need to tell people.
•Talk to your parents about their end-of-life goals, plans and financial arrangements. What they want done, how they want to live, whether they want someone, eventually to administer their affairs. By default it’s usually going to be the spouse/partner if they have one, but at some point (like Mum’s case) neither partner may be up for the job. I should note that I’ve never really talked to either of my parents about this, so I’m well aware it’s not an easy topic.
•If you trust your partner/child/sibling, there are lots of steps you can take so that they can manage your affairs for you, if you ever need it. Giving them your power of attorney. Putting their name on your account as co-owner. Of course, these powers can and have been abused, so it’s something to be very careful about (I have plenty of eHows written about power of attorney so it’s a good place to start research).
If that helps anyone, I’m delighted.